Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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