Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
