Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
