You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
