so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
