TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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