Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
