okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
