awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize