do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
