I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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