I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
