i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
