My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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