Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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