guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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