Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
