It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
