they need to just BURY HIM!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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