dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
