All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
