I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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