You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
