you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
