The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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