I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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