I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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