I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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