ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
