i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
