it's like iHOP with fire
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
