but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize