i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
