gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
