went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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