It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
