508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
