So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
