How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
