I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
