Your mouth is God's brothel.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
