she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
