i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
