This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
