Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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