my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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