Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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