He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
