If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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