Soap is not a condiment
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize