dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
