I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
