I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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