I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
