sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
