Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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