My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
