Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
