OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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