I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
