God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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