If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
