"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
