I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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