My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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