we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
