i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
