i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize