you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
