I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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