Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
