3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
