I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
