I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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