When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
