Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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