There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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